


Don't x Go

by DecemberCamie



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Goodbyes, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-26 05:42:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14994008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DecemberCamie/pseuds/DecemberCamie
Summary: It's the night before they have to say goodbye, the night before the World Tree and the end of an amazing adventure, the end ofeverything, and the night is quiet and still.And Gon doesn't want Killua to leave.((Inspired bythis artfrom tumblr))





	Don't x Go

The night is peaceful.

The quiet chirping of crickets’ chirping floats in through the open window, occasionally drowned out by a passing car or an owl’s hoot. The air is warm and dry. A sliver of moonlight falls across the opposite wall of their hotel room to illuminate up the walls in dim light.

The night is peaceful, and Gon can’t sleep.

He’s curled on his side, heavy blankets kicked off his legs to lay in a bundle at the edge of their shared bed. His heartbeat is slow, rhythmic, his hands curled into loose fists close to his face. His eyes burn, but he’s not tired, _really_ , he’s not.

 _I can’t sleep,_ he tells himself, staring unblinkingly at the chaotic mass of silver curls just inches away from his face. He _won’t_ sleep. Because if he sleeps, tomorrow will come. And _tomorrow means—!_

...it means saying goodbye. And that is something Gon doesn’t think he’ll ever be ready to say, even if this night stretches on for all eternity.

He can’t see Killua’s face, laying like this. Gon’s on one end of the bed and Killua on the other, with Killua’s younger sister sandwiched between them. One of Alluka’s legs is thrown across Killua’s middle, her face relaxed and blissfully knocked out. Her brown hair gleams in the dim moonlight in layers. Gon privately thinks that she doesn’t look anything like Killua. But then, no one did. No one could ever really match the singular radiance and brilliance that was Gon’s best and only friend.

Gon lifts his tired eyes from Alluka’s sleeping expression to Killua’s dandelion puff of hair. His back is facing Gon, the lightest layer of sheets tucked all the way up to his chin.

Gon’s lips twitch. Killua always slept so differently from him. Even though he can’t see Killua’s face, he knows Killua’s mouth must be hanging open, low snores escaping his parted lips. His bangs are probably pressed up against the pillow at an award angle, and he’ll probably spend at least half an hour tomorrow complaining and trying to fix them to frame his eyes and face.

Gon knew all this, because he knew _Killua._ After two years traveling together, he knew exactly what toothpaste Killua liked, the way his nose scrunched up whenever he had dreams—or more often, nightmares. He knew he’d have to shake Killua awake for a good ten minutes before he’d be able to roll out of bed. Gon knew every step of Killua’s nighttime and morning routine. And tomorrow would be the last time Gon would get the privilege to see Killua do it all.

_Ah._

The sharp twist of pain in Gon’s chest causes him to suck in a breath. The burning in his eyes is back, worse now than ever before, and it’s spreading downwards to his throat. Every part of him is raw and aching. He presses his lips together in a thin line, clenching his fingers into white-knuckled fists to stop their trembling.

 _It’s not fair,_ he thinks as he squints through the water welling up in his eyes. _It’s not fair, it’s not fair, it’s not—!!!_

“Fair,” Gon whispers in a half sob, face screwed up in agony. His stomach twists in knots. He tries to stay quiet, really, but the pain hurts akin to burned flesh and fractured bones and a broken heart.

It doesn’t hurt as bad as Pitou ripping his arm out of its socket. That much is true. But that’s only  because nothing mattered back then, in that dark forest with no stars or light to guide him.

 _This_ hurts. This is soul-crushing, suffocating pain. Because nothing mattered back then, but _Killua_ —Killua matters. And he’s leaving tomorrow.

Gon turns his head to bury his face in his pillow. His breathing is ragged and his chest shudders with the effort of crying without making a peep.

He doesn’t want Killua to go. It’s selfish, he knows, but...he still wants Killua to stay with him. He wants Killua to be at Gon’s side, and Gon at his. He’s just so _used_ to Killua, now. He knows being without Killua will be like missing half of his breath, half of his limbs, half of _himself_. He doesn’t step anywhere now without looking behind to make sure Killua is right there with him.

So what’s going to happen when he looks back, and no one is there?

“...Gon?”

The drowsy whisper of his name causes Gon to freeze, his muscles locking in place. His head is snapping up a second later to see Killua’s form stirring slightly.

“Ki-Killua—” He rolls out of bed without a thought. He rushes around the mattress to kneel on the cold wooden floor by Killua’s head, his heart fluttering against his ribs.

The lump under the sheets that is Killua’s body shifts a bit. Half-lidded blue eyes peer at Gon over the rim of cream-colored sheets and the air vanishes from Gon’s lungs.

It really is amazing, how Killua can leave Gon reeling with a single piercing look.

Killua moves again. He shuffles slightly—enough to push the sheets down and reveal his angled face—and reaches for Gon with a pale arm.

The tips of his fingers brush against Gon’s cheek. Gon jolts at the unexpectedly cool touch, eyes growing wide. Killua frowns at that, and cups Gon’s jaw more firmly.

Gon’s skin tingles where Killua touches him. “Killua?” He breathes his best friend’s name out while he searches that scrunched up face.

Killua’s scowl deepens. “Yer crying,” he mumbles.

Gon blinks. It’s only then that he realizes there’s a warm wetness starting in his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. “O-Oh, I—I guess so…”

“Wha’s wrong?”

Killua’s thumb rubs against his skin, breaking the trail of tears there. The way he’s gazing at Gon makes something inside him ache. It’s a look that makes Gon _want_ , and Gon’s not even entirely sure what exactly he’s yearning _for._

He wants Killua to stay. But this is different, this is _more,_ and it leaves Gon burning and breathless.

“Gon?” Killua asks, voice very quiet and very soft, full of sincere concern that shines in those midnight blue irises.

Gon lets out a shuddering breath. He shouldn’t say anything. He shouldn’t burden Killua, not when he’s already weighed down with so much.

But Gon can’t help it. _He doesn’t want Killua to leave him behind._

Gon places his hand over Killua’s, pressing his thin hand into Gon’s face as if he could brand Killua’s touch into his skin. He confesses, so lowly that he almost doesn’t hear the crack in his voice, “I wish...I wish you didn’t have to go.”

He doesn’t ask Killua to stay with him. He doesn’t plead with Killua to take him along on Alluka’s tour of the world. He doesn’t beg Killua to accept his apologies, to forgive him for hurting them both enough to leave scars. No matter how badly he wants to, he doesn’t. He’s not that selfish, not anymore.

Killua’s confused and worried expression crumbles in an instant. He curls his fingers to the shape of Gon’s jaw and Gon wishes he had a photographic memory so he would never forget the feel of Killua’s smooth skin against his.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Killua asks him, the words trembling as they tumble from his lips.

Gon leans closer to the bed, closer to Killua’s face. The rawness from earlier is back, and worse now. Killua hadn’t answered him but that’s okay. It has to be. “Of course, Killua. You can tell me anything.”

Killua bites his bottom lip. He searches Gon’s expression, but what he’s looking for, Gon doesn’t know.

“I wish I didn’t have to go, either,” Killua finally confesses and hope surges in Gon’s heart—

“But I _have_ to,” Killua finishes in a whisper and Gon’s heart falls, plummeting to the floor and shattering into a million jagged pieces. “We—We’re not good for each other, Gon. Not right now, at least. One day, we’re going to make an awesome team again. But...not right now. We just can’t.”

Gon laughs, a broken sound. He takes Killua’s hand from his cheek and lifts it to his lips instead. Killua’s limp hand is shaking in Gon’s grasp, and it’s almost impossible for Gon to see with the prickling tears building in his eyes again.

But that doesn’t stop him from gripping Killua’s hand tighter, or from lightly kissing Killua’s knuckles with quivering lips.

“Is that a p-promise, Killua?” he asks, glancing up at his best friend through wet lashes.

Killua gives him a wobbly smile. It’s just bright enough with the moonlight that Gon can make out the perfect curve of Killua’s lips.

“Of course it is, stupid,” he says, and his tone is fond despite the unnatural shine in his blue eyes. It’s enough to let Gon know that he’s just upset and tired and weighed down by all of this as Gon is. “We’re best friends, aren’t we?”

Gon smiles back, but there’s no joy in it. His heart is cracking and splintering in his chest—because their goodbye at the World Tree tomorrow is rushing toward them with no show of slowing—and it _hurts,_ so so so much.

“Of course, Killua. You’ll always be my best friend, no matter what.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for all the short fics I've been pushing out lately...I want to make sure all of my writing gets posted on here in one way or another in case something happens on tumblr, and this wasn't a request so it couldn't go in my request chapter fics ^^;
> 
> I just saw [this art](https://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/post/175027095220/beepsiart-dont-go-dont-go-dont-go-dont-go-quick) on tumblr and felt like writing some angst to match it. Hopefully you all enjoyed it despite the pain ahahaaaaa
> 
> [[My tumblr]](https://decembercamiecherries.tumblr.com/)   
>  [{My twitter}](https://twitter.com/decembercamie)


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